Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
