There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
