Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
