Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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