I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
