I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
