I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
