I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we're making bets on your personal life
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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