Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Someone shattered a urinal.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
