He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
