Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
