will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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