if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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