All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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