it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
