I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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