A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
