I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
