You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
