i'm signing you up for texting rehab
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize