Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
