maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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