She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
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Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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