I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
