I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
third nipple confirmed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
there is glitter all over my balls
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
