i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
