She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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