i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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