Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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