Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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