I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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