Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
