wanna go halves on a baby?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
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I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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