and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just invented taco cereal.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
