...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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