i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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