Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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