forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing