I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.