Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law