so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
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Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Naked. naked and bneed help.