Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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