I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
