so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
