I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
