Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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