Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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