He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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