I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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