god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How does one acquire holy water?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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