sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
