FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
