sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
