Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
