Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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