Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.