so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
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Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over