is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
