i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
