is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
