my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
