Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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