party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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