my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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