What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
is wine microwaveable?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
