do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
