Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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