I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
