5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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