Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
