We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
