I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
