Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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